BDSM for Beginners

As you probably know, there are more flavours to sex than vanilla, and BDSM is one of them.

BDSM can be a matter of curiosity and way of life, the intriguing truth or a one-time thing done in the spur of the moment.

If you are starting to realize that you are into BDSM, this post is for you. To learn more about BDSM, what it means, how it can enrich your sex life or even bring you to the enlightenment of self-understanding, continue reading. We at Escort Rankings have some important, useful, and naughty tips on how to start your BDSM adventure. 

BDSM - What Does it Stand For?

The commonly misunderstood term for BDSM means a lot of things, and it doesn't have to be as extreme as shown in some dirty movies you probably watched on the internet. The true side of sexual experimenting is now talked about openly and even academically studied by sexologists and psychologists, so it is not as taboo as it used to be, but still tends to be misunderstood. 

The first step to better understand BDSM is knowing what it stands for:

• Bondage and discipline: Bondage is a sex game focusing on restraint - having a person controlling the situation and pleasure of another person by restraining partners' movements or senses. 

Discipline refers to a dominant partner training a submissive partner to obey orders and putting him to submission. 

• Dominance and submission: includes a person of control, a dominant partner who leads the game, and a submissive partner following and obeying. 

A controlling partner can dominate the submissive one emotionally, physically, sexually, and dictates the dynamic of the act. 

• Sadism and masochism: This term defines pleasure taken from pain. The sadist gets pleasure by inflicting pain on the masochist partner who is, on the other hand, taking pleasure in receiving painful treatments inflicted by a sadistic partner. This term brings the most taboo thoughts and judgements, but if studied and practiced with care and knowledge, can bring the most pleasure and empower partners.

Educate Yourself 

As with all things you're new at, research is key. The excitement of learning and finding out new things can get you overly excited to jump straight into the unknown. This can lead to mistakes and bad outcomes. Make sure to start from the beginning and take it slowly. 

Learn more about the very meaning of BDSM, its varieties, explore your body, watch some movies, read some educational blogs and see where you fit in.

Watching BDSM-themed movies and porn can help you gain insight into the umbrella of BDSM. We mentioned some BDSM movies can be a bit harsh, but you don't have to search for the extreme, just go with the most viewed BDSM clips and movies of higher production. See which side you identify more with. You can try some things alone and explore what works for you before engaging a partner in your fantasy.

Erotic stories can tickle your imagination. Reading BDSM erotic stories can work better for some people than watching movies. You can imagine the scenario better and put yourself in a character. You will find out easily where you stand in the BDSM - on the dominant or submissive side.

Talk With Your Partner About Stepping Into BDSM

As we said, communication is crucial, not just in BDSM, but in every sexual act. Before trying any type of BDSM, have an honest conversation with your partner about your desires, turn-ons, and your boundaries (in BDSM, this is called a negotiation). Because BDSM is about surrendering or taking control, communication and trust are everything. Be specific as possible about what you want and don't want with your partner, as they should be with you.

Give and Get Consent

The most important aspect (of any type) of BDSM is consent. While having a conversation with your partner (negotiating), you'll both give and get consent about all details of your BDSM play, but it's important to check in with your partner throughout all scenes. Communicate throughout the entire BDSM play and make sure every act and interaction is consensual.

Always Have a Safe Word

BDSM play can be intense. It involves the excitement of exploration, and you can get carried away or be overwhelmed (especially when you are a beginner). It's extremely important to have a safe word as a signal to stop the play when things get overheated or uncomfortable. A safe word shouldn't be the word “no” because in many types of BDSM plays, begging or saying no is part of the exchange.

A safe word can be anything you two agree on, and it's best if it's not connected to anything you do during the play. Many people use the stoplight system where red means - stop, yellow - proceed with caution, and green - continue, or go. If you're using gags or anything that disables speech, you must have a nonverbal safe word (signal) like tapping or stomps. You can be creative and come up with your own safe word or a signal. Just make sure not to forget it during your BDSM play.

Toys and Accessories

Sex toys can be a lot of fun and can help you on this journey. Visit some sex shops (you can do it online for discretion) and pick some toys to help you with your fantasy. You can choose some blindfolds, vibrators, anal plugs, nipple clamps, and try some yourself or with a partner. You will feel more comfortable using toys, which are a significant part of the BDSM practice.

If you are not sure what will work for you and your partner, before hitting the sex shop, you can use some household items like a spatula or spoon or the backside of a wooden hairbrush for spanking. You can also use carves or sleep masks as blindfolds. Use ice or candles, but make sure to stay safe using those items. Also, if you tie your partner, remember to always let the tied hand or leg breathe by leaving space for the blood to flow.

Outfits and Roleplay

You can start with outfits and roleplay. Put on an outfit that brings submissive energy like a school uniform, maid outfit, chokers and harness; then try some military boots, leather high heel boots, leather or latex lingerie, black outfit, add some metal to it, and feel the empowering energy those outfits bring. Find out which makes you more comfortable.

End Your Play With Aftercare

As we said, BDSM play can be intense, that's why aftercare is not just recommended, but it's an essential part of BDSM. You get an endorphin rush and adrenaline boost, but afterwards, you need to calm down. Doing it alone can be harsh, that's why it's best to wind down by talking, cuddling, and reflecting on the whole experience with your partner. Aftercare is not the same for everyone, that's why you need to discuss it with your partner before play begins.

Take Advice From Those Who've Been There

It's always smart to seek advice from more experienced people. You can always join the BDSM community and be in touch with hundreds of people, share your thoughts, experiences, advice, and be informed about all BDSM events. Surely, there are some local people who share an enthusiasm for BDSM. You can connect with them or find out about their BDSM experiences with escorts by reading reviews on our website, Escort Rankings. If you are from Vancouver, for example, select the city and you'll find Vancouver escort reviews.

Join us and find more tips and escort advice on our website. If you have any advice about BDSM for beginners we didn't mention, please share it with us in the comment section